carol/ kwanjula ceremony

Today was an exciting departure from our daily Change the Truth mission. Yesterday we said good bye to the children and while, as always, they remained in our minds, we were eagerly anticipating our excursion to Jinja to attend Kwanjula, the formal introduction of Ronnie Kavalu, Rosemary and Joseph’s son to the family of his soon to be bride, Jovia. Or actually as we later found out, it wasn’t sure that Ronnie would be accepted as a groom until the formality of the ceremony was concluded but more on that later.

First I must share what started the day. The Busuti! These are the dresses women are required to wear to formal occasions. Days ago, Gloria, Lynne and Melissa shopped with Rosemary at the fabric store and chose the perfect colors and designs for each, and while I wasn’t yet here in Kampala, they chose the perfect color for me as well - peach. The seamstress made each of us a busuti which is yards of fabric to wrap around us, held up by a beautiful decorative sash. Early this morning, Rosemary and her family assisted dressing us. We couldn’t possibly have dressed ourselves in these long flowing dresses. I was the first finished and when I made my way to the living room, I was greeted by Joseph, who pronounced me smartly dressed and proceeded to give me instruction on how to hold the extra fabric so as not to drag on the floor, how to properly walk in short steps and how to insure that my slip wasn’t showing. Needless to say, there were a lot of laughs and giggles as we tried to make ourselves comfortable in our new Ugandan garb. Lots of pictures were taken of each of individually and together and Melissa commented it was like prom night. But there were more important lessons to learn—we were to speak only when spoken to, kneel when required and don’t have a falling busuti! Of course dressing before we climbed into the van for a 2 hour ride probably wasn’t the best idea because by the time we arrived, we had already broken one of the important rules. We all had the falling busuti. But after being put together again by our fellow guests, we got into line side by side with the men and began our entrance into the reception. And I mustn’t forget Freddy who was also dressed in Uganda garb, the kanzu, a long white gown which he wears with a dark suit jacket. Not nearly as colorful as our busutis but equally as smart!

The formalities began with the master of ceremonies from the bride’s family. And the groom had hired an MC as well. Verbally dueling. Conspicuously missing were Joseph and Rosemary. It is tradition that the parents of the groom not meet the parents of the bride before the wedding itself. Today was strictly about Ronnie and his acceptance. The purpose of the ceremony is to form friendships and relationships so in Ugandan tradition, the first portion of the ceremony is greeting the guests and introducing the family. Before the introductions begin, we were asked to stand. To my surprise I was handed a microphone and asked to start the national anthem. My mind was reeling, what anthem? I didn’t want to embarrass the Kavulu family and I was completely confused being asked to do anything. Joseph hadn’t warned us. He gave us every possible rule and heads up on the requirements but this wasn’t one of them. Should I start singing an American hymn? I turned to Gloria seeking silent advice but she couldn't provide any help. Finally I got it (shouldn't have been too hard since the gentlemen in front of me was saying over and over, “just say ‘Oh Uganda!". Once I finally sheepishly sang it, and once the chuckles subsided, all around us we heard the singing of the Ugandan national anthem. Duh!

Then in groups, we were first introduced to the brothers of the bride, then to the sisters of the bride, then to the younger aunts and then to the older aunts (I’m not sure where all the uncles were hidden). You might think this would take only a short time but no, when I finally looked at my watch, it had been almost 2 hours since we sat down. During all of this time, there was much banter back and forth between the two masters of ceremonies, none of which we understood because all was spoken in local dialect. I fortunately had a wonderful translator, a friend of Ronnie’s named Joseph, who helped me understand what was going on. A drum was brought out and banged on by the MC with great gusto. The beat was intended to be the Kavalu clan’s unique beat for sending messages.

After the introductions, we were then considered known to our hosts and only then were a drink and snack offered. We were so relieved! We were parched from the long drive and the heat and had been envious watching others drinking cool drinks. Next came the gifts. Imagine this—two trucks, one containing a cow and two goats and the other containing baskets and baskets of goods wrapped in white with purple ribbons, approximately 40 baskets in all. And then the personal gifts for all of the family, especially the aunties. We participated in the presentation. Each woman is expected to enter the tent walking with the gift on her head and it is taken from our head by the MC and presented. These baskets weren’t particularly light, each filled with rice, flour, pineapples, vegetables, fruits, cans of cooking oil and various other consumer products. We didn’t just make one, two or even three trips but we made 4 or 5 trips to make sure all of the gifts were presented. There were gifts and more gifts, all of which were intended to insure that Jovia’s family would accept Ronnie and allow him to take her as his wife. After fixing our hair and settling back into our seats, the MC explained to the bride’s family what they had been given. The many many bottles of soda, beer and water were given so that they had adequate refreshment to serve guests and the food was given to sustain them. A special gift was presented to the father of the bride and then another to the bride’s brother. It is Jovia’s brother who will give her away and in return he receives a cock. Ronnie looked uncomfortable passing the live rooster to his future brother-in-law who quickly passed it off to a younger brother. Then Ronnie presented another special (and particularly heavy) gift to the bride herself.

After the gifts were presented and then removed to be unwrapped later, it was time for the bride’s father to make his decision. But first he made sure his daughter was in agreement that should he consent, she would accept Ronnie. There was no hesitation by Jovia (or her aunt who must also agree). Points were added up. Points were given for travelling far to attend, points were given for not making a mistake, points were given for dressing their American friends in Ugandan garb, points were given for not dropping a basket, points were given for the number of gifts, points were given for bowing and kneeling properly. You can imagine how happy we were when in the end, Ronnie and his guests reached 100 points and consent was given! No demerits had been given for the occasional falling busuti.

Next the ring. To make sure that no men would look at Jovia between today and the wedding, she would wear a ring. The ring was first blessed by the priest and then presented by Ronnie to Jovia. This was no private moment. Before the entire community, Ronnie presented his ring to Jovia and hugs were exchanged.

Now that the relationship of the families was formed and friendships started, a meal was served. Wonderful meats, chicken, rice and vegetables and a bit of wine and scotch as well. Not missing was matooke which is steamed plaintains, a Ugandan staple. After the meal there was a final farewell ceremony and after a mere 4 hours, it was over. Ronnie was firmly approved, consent was given and the wedding plans could be finalized. Kwanjula is the formal and traditional joining of the couple. The wedding in January will take place in church with a reception to follow but with little of the pomp and circumstance of today.

After immediately peeling off our busuti (which were now sticking to us from the heat) and changing into our tee shirts, we all climbed back into the van for the trip back to Kampala. it was an honor and a privilege to attend today’s event and for me, I felt closer to the Kavalu family and the Ugandan community.