things we have noticed on our first two days “living” in Portland

Very friendly people
When the sun is out, as it has been since we arrived, very happy people
When the sun is out, gorgeous views of the mountains
Costco has the same stuff as in Kansas City
More brewpubs than you can imagine
Not many blondes (Max, who lives in LA, noticed this)
Use of public transportation is the rule more than the exception
People are very fit
Lots of farmer’s markets and locally grown organic food
Zip cars all over town
Bicyclists rule
Dogs rule even more
Pottery Barn has the same stuff as in Kansas City
Green, very green… the landscape AND the attitudes
Lots of hybrid cars; most of them sporting Obama bumper stickers
Piercings and tattoos on very many of the very friendly people
Old hippies don’t die; they move to Portland
Powells Bookstore and Whole Foods each take up an entire city block
Colorful street people
Old record stores do live on
Wine, wine, and more wine - and that would be from nearby vineyards
The river rhymes with dammit
If you know the alphabet, you won’t get lost in our neighborhood
Bubblers!

i’d rather have a root canal

You may have trouble believing this, but I have a fear of flying. It started shortly after I became a mom for the first time, and I’ve since learned that the same was true for many of my friends. I think I came by it naturally, though. I flew one time with my grandmother when I was a teenager, and when I got off the plane there were fingernail indentations in my arm that remained in place for several hours.

To keep from being paralyzed by this malady, I have tried various combinations of the following: hypnosis, behavior modification classes, deep breathing, drugs, alcohol, prayer and meditation. Those who have had the questionable good fortune to fly with me over the years know that when the weather gets bad and the pilot comes on the loudspeaker to warn passengers about the big “t” I hunker down in my seat and quietly begin repeating certain key phrases that I hope will help guide us safely through the storm. Of course, there have been those occasions when a sudden, loud exclamation, one that startles travelers several rows in front of and behind me and which probably should not be repeated in the company of young children, does seem to help get me through the terror.

I have often traveled by car or train instead of putting myself (and others) through the anguish.

Fully one third of air travelers’ knuckles turn white once they lift off. Fear of flying ranks right up there with fear of public speaking, fear of spiders and fear of crossing bridges.

My brother-in-law was a pilot, and, of course, he loved to fly. Unfortunately, he ran into bad weather on his descent into Kelso, Washington one morning fourteen years ago and was not able to keep the plane from going down in an old growth forest, where both he and his passenger died. A few months before that, though, convinced that he could shake me of my fear, he took me up in small plane and handed the wheel over to me, carefully explaining as we soared above Seattle each strange noise and each unexpected lunge and shudder. It was kind of exhilarating, and it kind of scared the bejeezus out of me. I admired his skills and his enthusiasm for flight, though, and to this day I think of him when I am flying and how he would want me to be brave when the air gets choppy.

Our flight today was one that involved steering around lots of thunderstorms. This meant frequent announcements to the flight attendants to take their seats, which is always the cue for me to go immediately into firm-grip-on-the-armrest mode. Needless to say, I gratefully acknowledged the goddess of aeronautics as I finally staggered off the 737. With several new gray hairs, a still slightly queasy stomach, and a good-natured husband who now has a few marks of his own on his arm, Portland, here we are.

here and there

I know, I know, you are totally confused. Yes, you are still at the right place. I think I have settled on a blog design I like. I have even added a new element: some cool blogs to visit. (Lower left corner of the menu bar.)

This is a catch-all post. Various and sundry. Potpourri. Hit or miss. Take it or leave it.

Today began with the very exciting news that my nephew’s wife is pregnant. This means come December, I will be a great aunt. (I am still trying to process that little tidbit.)

News from Kajjansi is that the children are busy making more of the banana fiber dolls to send to me in a few weeks. If you were at the Friendraiser/Fundraiser, you know that the eight we had sold out in an instant. I’ll let you know when the new ones arrive.

My book, Convergence, still has a shelf life after all this time! I realized this recently when I was prowling around Powell’s bookstore in Portland and spotted a copy of it in the photo section. Then, yesterday, Photo Eye in Santa Fe ordered a few more copies, as they had sold out. Now, if I can just find that inventory of books in my basement! (Oh, right, I forgot, that would be the pile of boxes just about my height that has taken up permanent residency in one large corner lot of the garage.)

Good news from PBS. Apparently someone there who is working on a documentary wants to use some of my photographs in the piece. I am now in the process of learning about photo usage and rights and payment and all that sort of thing.

And last, but not least, the Nelson-Atkins Museum has purchased “Boy with Ball, Kajjansi, 2007” for its photography collection. As you may recall from a previous post, the curators paid me a studio visit a few weeks ago. Guess when they got together to discuss, this was the end result; I am extremely grateful and happy about the news!

My next post will be from the Rose City, also known at Stumptown, also known as the place of our recently purchased "second home."

2008 mission trip

I am all about cycles. For example, I love the way seasons trigger certain memories and serve as reminders to start something all over again.

Fall has always been my favorite season. As soon as Labor Day is over, my whole body starts gearing up for cooler weather. As a kid, early September always meant getting to experience “new book smell,” my birthday party, freshly laundered skirts and sweaters for school, sharpened pencils, the Jewish New Year and becoming a year older. Fall was always a chance to start fresh with new teachers, maybe even new friends, new classes, new clothes, new notebooks, new haircut and new commitments to what I would try to do right in the coming year. I could have been blindfolded and known it was autumn. I would have known, of course, because of the smells in the air, the crunch under my feet from acorns and pine cones and leaves, the cool edges of the evenings and the vague feeling somewhere inside me that had to do with getting older.

Summer had its own set of repetitions and rhythms. They dealt more with relaxing, reviewing. Lately for me, though, summer has come to signal the time to start getting ready for my trip to Uganda.

It is hard to believe that just as we tie up all the loose ends from our first big friendraiser/fundraiser, I need to start thinking about plane and hotel reservations for December. I have been busy discussing the thrust of the Team Two Mission Trip with the good folks at the orphanage, and several readers of this blog have expressed an interest in coming along. Now is the time to start planning the logistics of the journey.

*** If you or anyone you know is truly interested in getting more details about the upcoming trip, please email me with contact info. I plan on calling a meeting sometime in July so that we can all get together and discuss possible plans. I know I have mentioned the possibility of a medical mission. That is still on the table. We will definitely repeat our play/art therapy week, as that was so successful last year. Chances are the trip will take place over the course of three weeks, the first being the week before Christmas. Those who are interested in accompanying me could stay for a week or ten days during that time frame and then move on to other travels or return to the US. I plan on staying all three weeks.

When I was a young girl, summer always meant a new reading list. I loved filling in the lines with each new book I read, using my neatest handwriting. Lost in those books, I could go anywhere I wanted.

Who knew summer would ever trigger in me the longing to return to an off-the-beaten-path, dirt-poor orphanage in Kajjansi, Uganda? (Along with the knowledge that I really and truly get to go back!)

best friends forever

Those of you who have children know that one of the perks of being a parent is “bringing into your family” the friends of your kids.

I am always moved and inspired by loyal, long-term friendships. Our daughter, Abbie, and her best friend Sarah have been as loyal as they come. For just over twenty years now, they have been pretty much like sisters. Well, maybe not quite – I can’t recall any bickering, sniveling, teasing or fighting between these two.

For a long while during primary school they called themselves “Sarabs.” They did everything together. For some time they even dressed alike. Carpooling was a blast because they both love to sing, and anytime I drove them somewhere, they was no need to turn on the radio. These girls were always there for each other as they made their way through thirteen years at the same school. They did their homework together, they took dance classes together, they wrote and directed “plays” together. There were countless lemonade stands, swim meets and sleepovers. As they got older, there were softball games, art classes, concerts, vacations and dates to share. Even though they attended different colleges and now live in different cities, they are still BFF. Having Abbie home for a visit last week meant having Sarah back, too. Eddie and I have always considered her our other daughter.

It’s been such fun and such a privilege watching these two grow up and stay so close over all these years. Everyone should have at least one long lasting relationship like this one in his or her life.

new look

Yes, you are in the right place. Sometimes change is good.

Speaking of change, I have emerged from my surgery haze and am very happy to report that all went well. I am also happy to report that my encounter with DCIS is about to become history. "You'll be able to look back on all this one of these days, Gloria" my friends and family have said at one time or another during the past six months. Now I am starting to look back on it. Believe me when I say this is a better vantage point.

I am so ready to enter the next phase of my life: post breast cancer.

This email from a breast cancer survivor, one who went through pretty much the same drill I did, is a keeper:

"Dear Gloria,

Good luck with your surgery. I know you will do well. One more step toward putting this all behind you. I know that during all those surgeries and injections that I had, I felt like everybody had access to my boobs. There was me, and there was the boob. The last surgery (the second reconstruction) was in September of last year, and now I am back at the point where I feel like my body and the boob are one organism again and I have some privacy. People are talking to me without looking at my chest. A small thing, but somehow I think about this part of the process. And it sure is cooler without that prosthesis stuck to my chest."

Well said, I say.

Of course, I have been responsible for a lot of this "access" to my breasts because I have written about them on this blog. Plus, I was not opposed to wearing clothing that didn't hide the fact that I had a mastectomy followed by reconstruction. I even insisted that close friends "touch" the hard thing that was lodged in my chest. I use the word "touch" with a heavy dose of nostalgia. I can't feel a thing. One of those little secrets you kind of have to find out about on your own. There was no discussion in the doctor's office about how I would eventually be able to bump hard into a doorway and not even realize my right breast had veered into anything!

At any rate, time to move on. Eddie and I are heading out to Portland at week's end to close on a very lovely, very tiny condo. We made this purchase during the breast cancer phase of my life. Eddie had been ready for a couple of years to buy a second home. I dragged my feet. One morning shortly after my mastectomy, I announced to him that I was on board.

Health scares tend to make me want to live life at its fullest, right now, while I can.

So... changes and new looks and new perspectives and new chapters. All good.

last installment of event photos

party pics

As I head into the final surgery for my reconstruction, I have had a great time looking at all the wonderful pictures Michael took at the CTT event. I would like to extend my heartfelt appreciation to the incredible and talented volunteers who helped make the night a huge success. Besides an attendance that exceeded our expectations, we raised more money than we ever thought we would. Thanks to the pre-event patrons, everyone who came, who "got it" and who reached into their pockets to purchase artwork, jewelry, t-shirts or drop donations into the fishbowl, Change the Truth netted $40,000 on Thursday night!

leopold show

The exhibition of my most recent Uganda work will be on display until early July at the Leopold. If you weren't able to attend the opening, I'd love it if you dropped by sometime during the next couple of weeks.

the big event

Our first annual CTT friendraiser/fundraiser was a huge success! Thanks to all of you who attended and showed your support. It was an amazing evening - close to 450 people in attendance.

My good friend and fellow photographer Michael Spillers, donated his time, energy and talent to our cause and took some great photos. Here is the first installment of those.

Operation Breakthrough African dancers

CTT Board and event planning committee member, Susie Corbin

Director of Operation Breakthrough African Drummers, Bird Flemming

CTT Team One reunites for the evening

ctt event is tonight!

I woke up this morning to an article about the Friendraiser/Fundraiser in the Kansas City Star, as well as a good luck missive from Mama Rosemary. Other than the thunder that's rattling my windows and the occasional flash of lightning, this is a good way to start the day we've been planning for oh so many months!

"Dear Gloria,

Thanks for the hard work you do together with Change the Truth foundation and all friends of St. Mary Kevin Orphanage.
Indeed we appreciate your work and we wish you to succeed in the fundraising function you are yet to do.

May God bless all the work of your hands.

Kind Regards
Mama Rosemary Kavulu and staff"

new body of work at the leopold gallery

The work for my show has been delivered to the Leopold Gallery! The opening reception is Friday night from 6-9 PM. The gallery is located at 324 W. 63rd Street in Kansas City.

There are thirty-five pieces in the exhibition; all of the images were made in Uganda this past December. This time around, I decided to offer the work in two different sizes. All are available for sale, and a percentage of the sales will go to Change the Truth to benefit the children at the orphanage. Thanks to Paul Dorrell for extending us this generous opportunity two years running.

documentary

Lynne Melcher and I have been friends for many years. We cooked up the idea to work together - she making a video, me making photographs - for a project for Operation Breakthrough a couple of years back. But she didn’t have a video camera, and the one I had to lend her didn’t work all that well, so the idea faded.

Then came Uganda. Once she decided to come along and make a video of my experiences there, there was, suddenly, no turning back. She took a couple of filmmaking workshops and became – at least in her own mind – an aspiring filmmaker.

She already had the eye from years of experience as a designer and artist. It was the technical stuff that overwhelmed her. This is from the blog Lynne wrote during the workshop she attended in Cambodia in July, 2007, just a few months before our departure for Uganda:

“For this segment we used Brenda's camera. She has made documentaries before, so she pulled out the big guns. I think her camera, with mic, lenses, etc, must have weighed at least 20 pounds. Now, I do work out with a trainer, and I do work on my biceps, but this was a workout unlike others.
To hold the camera steady, for many, many minutes, and to focus, walk, pan, etc...it was like doing tai chi, but with a frozen turkey in your hands. 
It was draining, fascinating, invigorating, and so much more. It was, in it's own way, kind of a rush. I can't wait to start all over again tomorrow.”

That’s how it’s been for Lynne and the camera ever since. She broke down and bought one of the “big guns” for herself. Was it just a few weeks before we were supposed to leave for Uganda? Oh, and then she got pneumonia, so she couldn’t really practice with it that much. At any rate, she carefully packed this thing (it affectionately came to be known as Lynne’s “baby”) and lugged it to an orphanage half a world away to tell the story about children who’d lost their parents to war and HIV/AIDS.

It was like watching a duck take to water. The camera soon became an extension of Lynne’s keen eye, her warm heart and her sharp intellect. You will see what I mean when you watch her movie.

Coming home from Uganda with 25 hours of tape would have sent most novices over the edge. With tenacity and determination, Lynne got to work even before the jet lag wore off. She hired a tutor, and she basically went underground for the next several months. Friends began to ask with some concern, “Where did Lynne Melcher go?”

She had a lot to learn, but that didn’t get in her way. At one point, after she’d already been working on the film for several weeks, someone asked her, “Who’s going to write the script?” And Lynne said, “The what?”

With each realization that she needed to know more, she simply dug in her heels and learned more.

So… where Lynne has been is in her studio… developing the skills do something she has longed to do for many years now – tell the stories of people from other lands, other cultures.

The children and staff at St. Mary Kevin Orphanage have no idea what a friend they have in Lynne Melcher. She has given her life over to them, to this project, for the past six months. On their behalf, and on behalf of Change the Truth, Lynne, I say “thank you.”

This is Lynne’s first major motion picture, you might say. I have seen it, and I’d give it five stars.

silent auction

There are gong to be 75 wonderful drawings and paintings by the children from St. Mary Kevin in the silent auction Thursday night. (CTT Friendraiser/Fundraiser: Screenland Theatre, 5 - 8 PM) There are also going to be these three pieces, two by the artists who taught the classes and were responsible for overseeing the creation of the kids’ work, and one by me.



ARTIST: Jane Voorhees
TITLE: "On My Way to Africa"
DATE: 2007
MEDIUM: Monotype
SIZE: 7" x 7" framed to 12" x 12"
VALUE: $450.00

"Working with the kids at St. Mary Kevin was very special to me. How often does one know of people who have nothing that are happy, that are so grateful for the smallest thing? I took many pictures as memories of this wonderful trip and have started to do the Ugandan pieces. I have decided they must be abstract, for how else can one capture such spirit."



ARTIST: Lonnie Powell
TITLE: "Uganda, Drawing Number One"
DATE: 2008
MEDIUM: Pencil
SIZE: 10" x 6.5" framed to 19" x 15"
VALUE: $950.00

"I was part of the illustrious group that traveled to St. Mary Kevin's Orphanage in Kajjansi, Uganda in December of 2007. I was one of two artists charged with giving a series of workshops to the students of the orphanage. The Uganda experience has changed my life and my art in ways that I have not yet fully processed. I can say that the students were more polite and respectful than any I have ever seen, and I may have left my heart in Kajjansi."



ARTIST: Gloria Baker Feinstein
TITLE: "Tire Rim, Kajjansi"
DATE: 2007
MEDIUM: Archival Pigment Print
SIZE: 8.5" x 12" framed to 18" x 22"
VALUE: $400.00

"The children I met in Uganda don't have much in terms of possessions. They have no toys, for the most part, and therefore have to come up with their own creations with which to pass the time and feed their imagination and energy. It is not uncommon to see kids rolling discarded tire rims with a stick as they run down the dirt roads. This little guy at the orphanage, like most impoverished, struggling and often ill Ugandan children, has a joyful spirit that is difficult for most of us Westerners to fathom."

sheryl crow

Torrential Midwestern rains held off just long enough last night for Missouri girl Sheryl Crow and her band to finish the encore set of their concert at Starlight Theatre. I wasn’t really up for going, but some girlfriends insisted; once they got me there, they presented me with a free tenth row ticket, a VIP parking pass, a glass of pinot grigio, and a beautiful, breezy, Kansas City pre-storm evening.

These three women have been my friends for close to thirty years (one for forty) and we’ve been through all the ups and downs of life together. Crow, who is really quite politically and environmentally liberal and outspoken, has been on her own roller coaster these past couple of years, and the songs on her new CD are all about what she calls life’s “detours.” Having recently battled breast cancer, she had some astute things to say about being forced to take a different route from the one you thought was going to be ahead of you.

The four of us fifty-somethings (my friends are very close to becoming sixty-somethings) were right there rockin’ out with the best of them. We still have it, I am happy to report.

I was amazed to learn that Crow is in her mid-forties. She is one gorgeous, fit and energetic woman. (We left the concert feeling like we wanted to grow out our hair and go to the gym more.)

Anyway, it was a fantastic night under threatening and amazing skies, and I thank my friends for getting me out into it. Here’s one of Crow’s new songs, which she wrote about her breast cancer treatment. Her new album is called “Detours” and I think it’s worth checking out.

Make It Go Away
 (Radiation Song)

I stare into

Some great abyss

And calculate

The things I’d miss

If I could only

Make some sense of this



And Madam Butterfly

Resounds

Over the mothership

Her lights flashing around


I float above her and

I wonder how

To make it go away

Make it go away



I crawl into my circumstance
Lay on the table

Begging for another chance

But I was a good girl


I can’t understand how to

Make it go away

Make it go away



Sometimes
I wonder

Which hurts the worse

The thought of dying

Or reliving every hurt

Was love the illness

And disease the cure


Make it go away

getting high

What is it that happens to us on the inside when we lend a hand to help those in need? Why is that so many people have written to me to ask what they can do for Change the Truth; why are so many people interested in going to Uganda with me in December to assist the children at the orphanage?

Is there an endorphin that is released in us when we do this work, kind of like when we exercise, that simply makes us feel good?

I have no idea, but I do know that more and more, as this project of mine evolves, I come into contact with folks who want to help - who want to give up their free time, their money, their skills, their vacation - to extend a hand to those less fortunate than themselves.

Do we feel guilty for the excesses of our American lifestyles? Or is it, as Anne Franke said, that we are all basically good inside?

I am amazed over and over again at the spirit of generosity and enthusiasm which adults and children alike have directed toward one hundred and fifty orphaned kids in Uganda - children they do not know, children they most likely will never meet. The guy who does my framing, school-aged kids from many different cities, a writer from central Kansas, a single mom and her kids from back east, teachers, artists, lawyers, doctors, a family from Washington state, a local woman who gives great facials, they are all lining up to do what they can to provide assistance to Samarie, Billy, Apacko and the others. How could I have known?

All I had to do was mention the possibilities, and BOOM! you gravitated toward the idea and the need. This experience is probably the first time in my life that I have truly felt like part of a world community. I hope you have an inkling of that feeling, as well.

ADDENDUM:

After writing the above, I decided to do a little research on the topic of giving/feeling good, and came up with this explanation from an article in the New York Sun:

“A number of studies have researched exactly why charity leads to happiness. The surprising conclusion is that giving affects our brain chemistry. For example, people who give often report feelings of euphoria, which psychologists have referred to as the ‘Helper's High.’ They believe that charitable activity induces endorphins that produce a very mild version of the sensations people get from drugs like morphine and heroin.

Charity also lowers the stress hormones that cause unhappiness. In one 1998 experiment at Duke University, adults were asked to give massages to babies — the idea being that giving a baby pleasure is a compassionate act with no expectation of a reward, even a ‘thank you’ — in return. After they performed the massages, the seniors were found to have dramatically lower levels of the stress hormones cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine in their brains.

The bottom line from all the research on giving is that it is not just good for your favorite cause; it's good for you, too. For relief from stress and depression, it's probably more cost-effective than whatever your doctor might prescribe. For getting a little high, it's not illegal, and a lot less fattening than booze.”

it's all relative

There was an article in the New York Times yesterday about the very wealthy having to cut back in various ways now that times are getting harder. It’s all relative, because the things they are having to eliminate from their normal routine include things like fewer trips on the private jet, fewer visits to the salon for hair highlights and fewer training sessions at the gym. These differ greatly from decisions the less fortunate are being forced to make.

I received word from Uganda that since our visit just six months ago, food costs have risen 50%. Staples like rice, beans and potatoes have increased so much that they have currently become weekend treats rather than daily sustenance.

An email form Rosemary describing the problem ended with these words:

“Suggestions for survival are welcome.”

Change the Truth has been sending the orphanage a monthly stipend for food since the beginning of the year. Due to the generosity of our supporters, we were able to commit to raising this by 50% beginning with the June contribution. So now, each month, CTT sends $1500.00 to the orphanage for the purchase of food. Plans are underway for a possible purchase of a parcel of fertile land so that more farming can be done by the orphanage itself.

In the meantime, these are the words of gratitude that were expressed by Rosemary when I told her we would be able to increase the monthly food funds we send:

“Thank you very much
And thank all the members of Change the Truth
For standing with us in this Ministry of Children
Feeding them has become a very hard task
Yet it drives all other activities
Now we are relieved, and will be less stressed
You have changed the Truth of Hunger.”