“I thought I’d live forever! When you’re young, who thinks of dying? Do YOU ever think of it?”
“I had breast cancer this year. I kind of thought about it then.”
“I had that, too.” She puts her hand on her right breast. “It still hurts sometimes where they did the lumpectomy.” She paused. “I’ll kick off one of these days.”
I have never been terribly fond of any of the usual terminology regarding death: passing, passing on, passing away. I have now officially adopted Helen’s vernacular, “kicking off.” It makes the event sound a lot less passive, more like something you might do at Mardi Gras.
“Did you travel outside the country much?” I asked her this after I told her about my trips to central and Eastern Europe to do the concentration camp project.
“Only to Mexico. I didn’t have the money to travel when I was younger. I can’t now because I’m old. Everybody knows how old I am. I’m old. Too old to travel.” (She pointed a crooked finger upward and lowered her voice.) “He is not a good organizer. And he is mean. When I was able to travel and could not afford it, I was stuck. Now that I can afford to travel, I cannot because of my age and health. There is something very disorganized and unfair about that.”
We looked at each other. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. What she said made so much sense, and I could think of so many other people I’ve know who have experienced the same bad luck.
“Where would you like to go now?”
“I wish I had a place with a porch. Just a porch, that’s all. Like we had back when I was a kid. A place to sit and watch... and listen.”
3 comments:
A place with a porch. It so often comes down to the simple things. An excellent lesson from Ms. Levitt. From my place on my porch, I've enjoyed the sights and smells and sounds of the seasons.....and oh the photographic material just outside my door! I feel like a fortunate woman.
As to the traveling, George Bernard Shaw's comment comes to mind: "Youth is wasted on the young."
As to the kicking off, it does sound more active or proactive than simply passing on, passing over.... Somewhere in The Last Life by Claire Messud, there was a line that stopped me in my tracks and which has come back to me over the years. The line: "I was falling, so I jumped."
Your thoughts sent mine pinging like pinballs. Thanks for letting me share.
--KB
Gloria, This series on Helen is just wonderful. What a treasure these minutes were with her. BTW, the pictures are a lovely portrait of her even if she didn't "sit" for a portrait.
This series of posts was great. Incredible insight and thought provoking words. "Kicking off" is great and so it shall be a new mantra, I also like the other comment someone posted, "I was falling, so I jumped." Thanks for the treasure of Helen Levitt. Suzanne
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