moving on

Seven weeks ago I had my rotator cuff repaired. Little did I truly understand how rough and how long the recovery from that surgery would be. In the thick of it, I was hazy on pain killers, sleeping only intermittently in a rented recliner, addicted to a shoulder icing machine, always sporting an arm immobilizer (even while sleeping intermittently in the rented recliner), dealing with really nasty muscle spasms and wondering if/how I was ever going to use my dominant right arm again.

I thought I'd read while cooped up; I had a pile of books on my bedside table. I thought I'd binge-watch all the great TV series friends had raved about. I don't know why I didn't do either, but I never seemed to have the energy or level of concentration required. One day, when I realized I had just cruised through back to back episodes of Leave it to Beaver, I knew I had crossed over into complete boredom. So I drew with my left hand to remain engaged and creative. I figured out how to tie my shoes, floss my teeth, write letters and make meals with my left hand (making poached eggs was one of my single greatest accomplishments!). I spent time revisiting past photo projects. I birthed the book Some Grandmas. I discovered and fell in love with Uber.

My friends stepped up. They drove me to physical therapy and brought me chicken soup. They came over just to hang out. My cabin fever got pretty intense.

There were some dark days. There were times I didn't think the pain would ever go away. I can think of at least two days when I just sat on the couch and cried.

Now that I've been freed from the immobilizer, I can drive again. Hallelujah! Life's simple pleasures are glorious.

Throwing away the immobilizer brings on a whole new set of challenges, of course. Not having used my arm for so long means it is weak, and it is kind of stuck in one position. Physical therapy is getting more challenging, as I move from passive (the therapist moves me) to active (I move me)  exercise. I'm supposed to use my arm as much as I can, yet I am limited to lifting a maximum of two pounds with it. (Did you know that a half-full bottle of olive oil weighs in at a whopping four pounds??)  The pain is still enough to require at least an Advil at all times - occasionally something stronger.

I've been told it takes a full year to reclaim ones shoulder after this type of surgery.

My husband has been a rock-star-super-hero, there for me at every single turn and every single bump. He has caught me and lifted me back up hundreds of times over the past seven weeks.

I've had to cancel shoots and even had to cancel my trip to Portland for Photolucida. But I am printing work for my upcoming show at Snapshot Gallery, and I'm excited about how it's coming together.

And I've noticed how particularly fragrant the lilacs are this spring.

Life is good. Onward and upward.

introducing: some grandmas

Here are a few things I've figured out how to do with one (non-dominant) hand:

peel and slice a banana
tie my shoes
snap and unsnap my bra
use a pair of tweezers
take off and on a sling
put on a tank top
write thank-you notes

But the best thing has been (DRUM ROLL, PLEASE!!!!):

figuring out that I really want to get my grandma book off my desk and out into the world.

Being cooped up (not able to drive), sitting still more than moving around, thinking and listening more than talking, having lots of awake hours during the night, being in a constant state of pain and having to truly be in each moment as I awkwardly navigate my way through the day has made me realize something really important:

if it matters, just friggin' do it.

SO…

just in time for Mother's Day, my photo book about grandmothers, Some Grandmas, will hit the shelves!

I'll give more details soon… just wanted to whet your appetite and let you know that you need look no further for that perfect gift for your favorite grandmother (or grandchild) this May.

I haven't figured out one handed gift wrapping yet, but by then I'll be out of my sling :)

PS - if you'd like to receive notifications about the book's release and are not already on my mailing list, please shoot me an email at gbfeinstein[at]gmail[dot]com.

flowers

I've been receiving some gorgeous flower arrangements as I convalesce. They make the days look and smell prettier. This picture of my grandchildren, with the flowers they picked on a recent stroll through their neighborhood, has brightened my day big time.

chicken soup on an elephant placemat

There truly are medicinal benefits floating around in a good bowl of "Jewish penicillin," and I am fiercely slurping down the stuff. Eddie tries to make each meal fun; today's lunch was served on the placemat I loved when I was a kid (thank you, Mom, for saving everything).

Days three and four post-op have been exciting, and that means tiring. I had my first of many sessions of physical therapy yesterday. Today's schedule included my first shower. Every task seems to take ten or twenty, maybe 50 times longer when one arm isn't working so well.

I'm still reaping the benefits of pain meds, so I continue to avoid the operation of heavy machinery.

just taking pictures of my life

My life yesterday was in the hands of a very capable shoulder specialist (CCS), a great anesthesiologist and a fabulous team of nurses.

The repair to my rotator cuff is now behind me. I came home with one heavy and completely numb shoulder, arm and hand (from a nerve block). That block started to wear off this morning, and I began taking pain meds. Everything is just a little bit glazed over now.

True to form, I took a few pictures while waiting to be rolled into the operating room.

flip side

see you on the flip side

My left hand is all warmed up. I've got my rented recliner set up in a corner of the bedroom, and I've got a little table next to it stacked with books and art supplies. The surgery will be quick. I'll be home by mid afternoon, most surely in a haze. But I'm hoping to draw or take pictures as soon as possible. My friend Leslie loaned me her nifty ice machine. It will send ice cold water circulating on a constant basis through a big cuff that attaches to my shoulder. Got some chicken noodle soup in the frig. And my devoted husband and friends willingly on call. All set. Bring it on, doc.

another left-handed drawing

Surgery in two days. Getting nervous.

surgery

Sadly, I have had to postpone my upcoming travel to Uganda. I have to have shoulder surgery instead. All the wear and tear of lifting and using my camera equipment combined with a couple of falls and the natural aging process has left me with a torn rotator cuff. Ugh.

This morning I tried to do everything with my left arm and hand. Not so easy. I found that I did things verrrry slowly and with much concentration. The stick-out-my-tongue kind of concentration.

I did a drawing and then I photographed it.  The process made me extremely mindful of each step involved. It also made me realize this is going to be a long few months.

I'm determined to do something creative during my recovery. I think I'll go nuts otherwise. Maybe I'll draw, maybe I'll do a series of photos with my iPhone. My BFF said I'll probably write a book. Another said I'll probably become ambidextrous and end up being able to shoot with one hand while drawing with the other. Ha! I doubt either of those things will happen, but my friends do know me; I'm not going to let this keep me down.